


One of these days ...

by vulcankirkspock



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Developing Friendships, Hugs, M/M, Poor Jim, Protective Spock, Spock is such a sweetheart, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-08
Updated: 2018-02-08
Packaged: 2019-03-15 13:29:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13614345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vulcankirkspock/pseuds/vulcankirkspock
Summary: His heart nearly beat out of his chest. It was not, that they both never walked into each other. Sometimes they even needed to share the bathroom literally. But that only had happened two times. And it was in hurry, so looking at each other was not the first thought. But right now it felt unbearable, with him, feeling so unstable, with Spock out of his blue shirt. For a second Jim still didn’t trust him, to look his friend and Commander in the eyes.





	One of these days ...

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in the mood to write a little bit about Spirk. This idea came to me, when someone on tumblr had the craving for a story, in which Jim is touch starved and want's someone to hug him.  
> This could stand alone, or will be continued, if someone want a second part.  
> Or maybe I'm posting a collection of Spirk mini-shots ...  
> I'm not really sure, since there could be also no one having an interest in my stories.   
> Please be also aware, that english isn't my first language. 
> 
> However.  
> Have fun, and I would be extreme happy to get some comments on this.

With a deep sigh, Jim sank against the wall of the turbolift. He does not know why he needs to feels like that. Everything has started with the dream about Tarsus tonight. He woke up, with the real feeling of emotional pain and loneliness. This time, he didn’t dreamed about the pure feeling of hunger. But about the fear of loosing someone. Everyone. The feeling followed him from his dream, right into his reality. 

No matter how often he reminded himself today, that he wasn’t alone, he could not shake it off. It even got worse, after Spock leaved the bridge, to finish his last experiment, and Bones also being involved with some researches. Since there was not anyone who stood more closer to him, than Bones or Spock, Jim could just hope for his shift to end so fast as possible. 

After the lift stopped and opened, Jim walked to his quarters. But as soon, as the door closed behind him, he felt trapped. Like a animal in too small space. He was not alone, Jim said to himself in his mind, as he walked up to his bookshelf, where he had so many paperbooks. Only two he could save from the broken Enterprise. But the rest came from is friends. Especially Spock seemed to be enthusiastic in gifting him more and more, after realizing, how much Jim loved them. 

Yet, it didn’t helped him, to think like that. No … He needed to feel it. He needed a touch. Anything. And if it was just someone else standing so close to him, that he could feel bodyheat. Sometimes, when he thought back, it was like that in the academy. Everyone and everything remembered him about the person he would never be. It felt bitter to have no one who could see him as the person he was. The person, he would liked to be. But everyone just saw with how many people he went home. Not the reason behind it. Now as a captain he could not risk something like that. He needed to bear the feeling. No matter how much it make him craved for a touch. 

For one second, Jim stared at the vulcan calligraphy of the book, Spock brought him just two weeks after Altamid, telling him, that this was one of the rarest exemplares of vulcan ancient history. And it was the older Spock would have wanted Spock to give it to Jim, if he died. The thought about the old man, pained him for a second more, than the pure craving for touch. Because he did know how lonely that Spock was. He really has losed everything, while Jim was just lost in a memory. 

Jim knew, if the would go down this path, he could not come back from it. Not today. Because the last time, he had allowed himself to think like that, he was lost for days in his pain. So he closed for a moment his eyes and breathed deep through. He needed to clear his head. Maybe a hot shower could help him. 

He was so lost in his feeling, he didn’t even realised that the console on the wall right next to the door, showed, that the bathroom was already occupied. Just as the door slid open, Jim nearly jumped back, as he saw Spock. 

The Vulcan stood in the middle of the bathroom. Still in his regulation trousers, and long sleeved undershirt. But the blue shirt was off. Seeing Spock like that, felt irritating intimate, what made Jim blush. 

“Fuck, sorry. I mean … I have not …” 

His heart nearly beat out of his chest. It was not, that they both never walked into each other. Sometimes they even needed to share the bathroom literally. But that only had happened two times. And it was in hurry, so looking at each other was not the first thought. 

But right now it felt unbearable, with him, feeling so unstable, with Spock out of his blue shirt. For a second Jim still didn’t trust him, to look his friend and Commander in the eyes. And before he even could do it, he turned hastly around, activating the door again, so it slid closed.

While Jim retreated into a save distance from the bathroom, he heard the door open again, what made his heart beat even faster. Space. He just needed distance between Spock and him, before he would do something, his vulcan friend would feel very uncomfortable.

“Jim … has anything happened?”

Hearing Spock’s voice like that, didn’t made it better. Jim wished Spock would tell him that he needed to be more carefully. Not just walking blind into the bathroom. He could have seen Spock also naked, if he would have walked into it a few minutes later.

“No, nothing.”

Jim just answered, closing himself off, while he still tried to putting more distance between Spock and himself. After all those years of friendship and working together, Spock seemed to have a good radar around Jim. So he had told him after Altamid, and still at his birthday-party, that the only thing keeping his mind concentrated, was the knowledge that Jim lived. He could feel it. It was amazing and Jim could just smile at that time, because he too felt like that on the planet. Even between the fear, that Spock could have been in danger, he just had the feeling, the he would be able to know it, if Spock … wouldn’t live anymore.

He was so lost in this memory, that he didn’t realised that he had stopped walking. The only thing that pulled him back out from it, was a soft featherlight touch at the back of his hand. And as Jim blinked, he got aware that Spock stood right hin front of him. So close, that he could see light brown spreckles in the dark chocolate brown eyes.

Jim made a step back, just to come in contact with his butt against the edge of his desk. While Spock’s only answer to his reaction was, to raise one eyebrow, Jim tried to break their eyecontact. But it felt impossible, because of the pure warmth he could see in them. It made him crave for something, Spock could not give him, without breaking every boundary, they still had.

No matter how much, nor for how long he wanted him to break it down.

“Jim …”

He did not know what changed. But suddenly Spock stepped slowly closer, like he feared, if he would be moving too fast, he would scare him. Jim nearly hold his breath, as the hand touched him again. This time it was not featherlylight. Yet the softest touch, he ever has felt on his hand. And it spoke right to the craving deep inside him.

It was so beautiful, _too beautiful_ , that Jim wanted nothing more, than to ran away. But his body did not move, as Spock again stepped closer, even if it meaned for him to come so near, that they brushed softly against each other.

His left hand balled itself into a fist, as he tried not to give in. Jim knew, that he could not let himself fall into the warmth and nearness, Spock was willing to give him, because he would suck every warmth into the black hole, that filled him. And if he would dare himself to give in, it would be impossible for him to hold back anymore.

Holding back his desire for years, was easy, when he knew there wasn’t a chance for him. Holding back, when there was indead a spark of possibility … was impossible.

“ _Jim_.”

Spock spoke his name this time so softly, it felt like a soft plea against his temple. It was what broke every wall, he had built up over the years. Walls not even the best fucking _fuck_ could break through, to fill the craving just enough.

“You are … not alone.”

Jim felt his eyes behind his lids sting, which he did not even know he had closed. A soft caress on his balled fist, made him open his hand, before Spock slung his arms around him and Jim couldn’t hold it back anymore. He brought his hands up to Spock’s warm sides, while his head sunk breathless onto the solid, broad shoulder of his beloved friend.

While Spock slid with his warm hands over Jim’s back, he just held on to. Not even knowing what he should do. Because the thing was, he wasn’t the sort of person, who hugged someone or let himself hug. It felt more intimate to him, than sex.

The warmth of Spock’s body against his own, was overwhelming to the dark craving in him. Just as it was the hard beating against his left hand. He always had thought, that if he would keep a sort of distance to Spock, he would never come to this moment. Where it wasn’t anymore enough to look into his beautiful chocolate brown eyes. Where he could survive just with the knowledge, that they were close enough to know, that the other was still alive, but not close enough to really feel the intimate pulsating and beating of a heart.

This … was everything.

And Jim knew, this, was just the beginning of something new.


End file.
